Shikwa…

Here is another piece of poetry that I wrote in 3 nights. I tried to write something different this time, perhaps giving it a touch of romanticism. I have been reading Parveen Shakir these days so it might look like bit of her influence too.

Its called..

SHIKWA!

Mujhe Maloom hai tum Be-zarar baatein nahi karte.
Tumhare geet mere aks ki roodad kehte hain.
Mujhe tum ab bhi raahon mai kaheen awaaz dete ho.
Jo mera naam lete ho..
Tou sannaata kaheen chehre pe mere aa bikharta hai..
Mujhe bas thaam leta hai..
Mujhe tum youn satane ki ziyafat kiu nahi karte..
Muhabbat kiyun nahi karte?

Mujhe maloom hai tum mehfil-e-jaanan ki ronaq ho..
Jo mujhko hai nahi manzoor..
Kisi mehfil mai jo tum bin piye behka diye jaao..
Tou mere hee tasawur se tumhe mehsoos yun hoga..
yeh mera lams , mere qurb ka labrez pemaana..
Meri khushbu tumhe tab is qadar mehsoor ker de gee.
Ke tum apne tasawur ko bhi na pehchan paao ge..
Mujhe tum dagmagane ki shararaat kiyun nahi karte..
Muhabbat kiyun nahi karte?

Kabhi mai rooth jaaun bin bataye tum se aye janaan,
Ke soz o gham se meri ankhen bhi pur-namm si ho jayen..
Tou yeh mehsoos hota hai ke tum aa ke manao ge.
Wo mera haath thamo ge, mujhe banhon mai bhar lo ge..
Magar mai naaz nakhron se tumhe pal pal satau gee..
Mai sab kuch bhool jau gee..
Jo tum shiddat se meri godh mai sar apna rakh ker yun,
Buhat ansoo bahao ge..
Mai tumse rooth jaau tou shikayat kiyun nahi karte?
Muhabbat kiyun nahi karte?

Mujhe maloom hai ke tum bare be parwah raahi ho..
Kaheen rokay nahi rukte..
Na tum ko manzilain manzoor hain na raaste manzoor.
Ajab hai daastan yeh bhi..
Tasalsul torr do is waaste ke mai behel jaau,
Zara see mai sambhal jaau..
Woh umeedain, woh ranjishain, shanasayee-o-bandishain..
jala ke mai bhi jal jaau, pighal jaau..
Mai marr jau..
Mujhe tum bhool jaane ki Himaqat kiyun nahi karte?

Muhabbat kiyun nahi kerte?
Muhabbat kiyun nahi karte? 

Gratitude!

Ramzan Mubarak!

Over the years Ramzan has become an entirely different ballgame for all of us. Our focuses, spirituality, food , prayers everything has taken a different turn altogether. Some of us still celebrate the month with zeal with everyone whereas some go completely solo on the spiritual journey , detoxifying from the demons that reside inside us.

Today after getting off from a long call of a dear friend after I don’t know how many years that we spoke to each other, I realized that one thing I always did in Ramzan was write gratitude posts for people who I hold close to me, who I can count on and who will stand by my side no matter what happens. The memories of gratitude made me realise that somewhere I had lost that public appreciation of friends around me who I always used to talk about and who I always contact whenever I am in need or otherwise.

I cannot be more happy to have friends turning into mentors, helping me restart a new life, get back on track, make me smile and make posts thinking about me without letting me know that they care. Allah has been really kind and I know HE always will be. Gratitude is perhaps the only gesture when given, gives you back multiplied by two, three or even more.

This is going out to you all! To each one of you who knows me , who appreciates me for who I am, corrects me, and most importantly be there for me. :)

I’m in your shoes

We often complain and ridicule ourselves with statements like ‘Why me?’ OR ‘Was I the only one?’ OR maybe to the extent of putting up fight with GOD and family and friends and isolating ourselves in distress with episodes of crying, blaming, demeaning ourselves. Ever wonder why there is so much pain and misery in your life when your friends , colleagues and relatives are living a contented life with all possible luxuries anyone could afford? We all feel like this either in phases or we feel consistently for a long period of time.

This is how I have perceived pain and misery over the years I have lived with or away from my family.

Every shortcoming or pain has its own perks. Perks? Really? Oh yes! Let’s evaluate some and you will be surprised how you form your actions in your life based on the miseries you have gone through.

I lost my father when I was 8. I became an orphan at a very young age. That emptiness still resides inside me but this major setback of my life made me realize how it feels to be an orphan. When I come across stories of demise of my friend’s parents, or friends living with single parent due to separation, I know exactly how it feels to be that child whose has unmet needs. This gives me a chance to show empathy, show love and care, understand their household issues and help them come up with a solution. This creates a great network of support and courage and they pass on the same gesture to fellow orphans around them.

Another one. Unemployment. I have always been a person who would find her way out some or the other way. Opportunities have come as quick as they can ever be. Alhamdulillah. Nonetheless my two phases of unemployment resulted in me understanding the pain a man goes through when he roams around the city with CV and finds no luck at the end of the day despite he is capable and qualified. This helped me realize the worth of hard earned money. Savings for survival. Weddings, Education, house car food what not. Now if anyone tells me he or she Needs a job,  I know exactly what they are going through.

Likewise there are breakups, emotional and financial sufferings, learning disabilities, Disabilities in general that teach you so much about the world around you. Sufferings are blessings. The more the merrier. Sufferings connect you to more people and happiness confine you to a handful of friends. Sufferings lead you to explore. Pain brings in the ability to seek light in the darkest times. I believe every human being is sent in the world to cater and bring a change to certain lives. Starts from one but there is no count for the change you pass on to your own and the next generation as it will keep multiplying indefinitely.

What NOT to say to Others about you

Alot of us and specially women tend to degrade ourselves and feel low about ourselves because of the male dominated society that we live in. Some times our parents and family members also teach and preach us not to utter bad words or be disrespectful to men around us. There is a very subconscious behaviour that we tend to develop and linger on to and that is being submissive, self loathing, berating and hating our selves for what we like do or perceive which in fact is something ethically right to do or say.

Here are a few sentences that I would recommend each one of you ( Be it a guy or a girl ) not to say out loud in front of ANYONE except to Almighty and your own self. In fact don’t say it to your self either because constantly saying negative words and sentences to one’s self will not help in the healing process which I earlier talked about.

  1. I don’t trust myself anymore.
  2. I trust you more than I trust myself. ( HECK NO! You are the only person who you will and you should trust the most and NO ONE ELSE )
  3. I feel ashamed of myself. (Sympathy sign alert)
  4. I hate myself more than anything in this world.
  5.  I am a coward.
  6. I am miserable
  7. I am messed up. I keep messing up all the time.
  8. I am a hopeless case
  9. I am a retard and gone case. Don’t expect anything sane coming from me.
  10. I cannot forgive myself for what I did.
  11. I am a jerk.
  12. I will never be able to make anyone happy
  13. I am a doormat
  14. I have self esteem issues.
  15. My future is destroyed ( No you can’t predict what’s coming next buddy )

So how do you feel after reading all of these sentences? How many times have you said these to your best friends or loved ones or parents or anyone else? How did they react?

I’ll tell you some general reactions against these sentences. The sincere people who genuinely want you to come out of these little mindsets that you have created about yourself, will try to take you out and make you laugh, raise your spirits and give you warm hugs to make you feel better.

Then there are people , most of them , who will take advantage out of your weaknesses. Special special warning for girls out there. Never tell guys about your insecurities. Never. They will make sure they manipulate you, make you feel better and then try to convince you for something you are not comfortable with. The best suggestion is not to get exploited by anyone. Even if you have to lie to save it, do that. Your mental comfort is more important above anything else.

 

 

The healing process

So lately I haven’t written anything but I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Matter of fact I have started reading some good books that will surely enlighten many perspectives of life in front of me.

So this healing process of my life hasn’t been quite a pleasant one. Details later but there are so many people and so many emotions overwhelmingly involved that I was unable to focus on anything that would make me feel better. I have been reading a lot about negative and positive energies, frequencies and karma lately and most of it is making sense now when I look back at my life. I can easily differentiate between the negatives and positives and choose to be with who I want with no obligations.

So lets talk about healing process. Every wound, scar, breakup, agitation, ridicule and frustration is meant to be healed some or the other way. Nothing is constant in this world. Our lives aren’t constant, our dying isn’t either. We all have wavelengths and frequencies that we communicate with each other. Keeping the science aside, the healing process only begins when we really seek it! When we actually seek help from Almighty to heal our wounds. When we seek help from people around us to listen to us and advise us to move on in life. It only begins when asked for it. Otherwise you will remain in the whirlpool of your own thoughts and self made analysis and assumptions that will break you even more. All you have to say out loud ONCE only ONCE to HIM to anyone, What should I do to come out of it? Or make a request, Please get me out of it! And see the magic happening around you.

For me, healing process has been questions queries and support seeking from other people. Ironic right? The time when I need it the most, people should come and console and worry about me. That’s how we would think normally. But its complete opposite of what I thought. I started receiving so many requests from people for support and fundraisers and connections and what not. And in this entire process of sorting everyone else’s life, I completely went from miserable to motivated and rejuvenated. Why? Because it was actually the healing process decided for me from Almighty ALLAH. And it came this way.  Similarly you will find signs for your healing process too. From people, places, events, opportunities everything. And all you have to do is to just go with the flow of your life’s frequency.

There will be downsides staying longer than uphills. There will be darker lights making you blind other than guiding lights that brighten your days. There will be rougher roads to drive on as compare to smooth highways. But the belief that you will get through it, is going to pull you out of the discomfort you are in. The process isn’t easy. You need to take that first step to begin with.

Time limit

There is so much that has been written about discovering yourself and finding inner peace with all those motivational quotes coming your way on your Newsfeed trying to make you feel that you are the best person on earth and Nothing else matters but you. Today I am going to share my take on your purpose of living linked with the number of moments, days, months or years in someone’s life.

We all believe in the day when we won’t be in this world any more. We all know our existence here is just for a certain time period that we can never predict. If we start dividing our lives in chunks of sub-lives, like life1, life2, life3 and so on, this logical division will help us identify our purpose of existence in this world and in some particular person’s life.

I have an opinion and I strongly believe in the fact that Allah brings us near to people of all sorts. Whether good or bad, that we get to identify with our wisdom. We spend time with strangers, hang out with them, get to know them better, do each other favors, fall and rise in love, make vows and people who we genuinely feel connected to, we try keeping in touch often, get married, make new connections and thus our circle of network keeps growing till we die.

The logical division theory comes up when we have certain associations for a limited time period. Particularly relationships, friendships and conferences. We are destined to get connected with people who we meet in our lives. The moment our job is done, that plug is pulled out from the switch to be places somewhere else. Perhaps we are sent to teach a lesson to someone. Perhaps that person is teaching a lesson too. Perhaps a person is meant to bring you closer to Allah. Perhaps you are being tested by someone’s obnoxious behaviour. Perhaps some people are sent to you to make your life miserable so you can care about good times and good people around and willingly pull out the plug and reconnect with the old loved ones.

Every single time period and phase in your life is a logical division trying to help you see the bigger and better picture of your purpose of coming to this world. You need to keep all your senses alive to identify who is making a difference in your life and how can you make a difference in someone else’s life. We all have shortcomings that need to be addressed. Allow that one person to help you be a better person for this world. For your own self.

 

The thin line!

Today’s topic is very sensitive, critical and much needed to ponder upon. Its about differentiating between our emotions for people around us and how we react to them.
Before I start, I’d want you to think of one incident or a time period in your life where you had to really really fight the battle of mind and heart. Take a minute. Or two. Or may be 5. I don’t want you to get depressed but just reflect upon what you had to do.

Ok so here we go.

We have all heard about several words like sympathy, empathy, care, love and attraction. And we all have different ideas and meanings associated to these words. Most of these emotions or gestures are inter connected, mixed and dependant upon each other. So for instance if you care about somebody, you show empathy. Or if you are attracted to somebody, you start caring about them and are empathetic to their needs. Now here comes the real game when you have to cleverly choose how to act and react in a certain awkward or non awkward situation when it comes to your near ones, your friends and acquaintances.

Have you ever experienced a time when doing favours once or twice has led you to constant favours because you are immune to do so and you feel it has become your responsibility? Have you felt that your sympathy is taken as care and love by the other person and he/she feels like you love him/her too? Have you ever tried to get away from the feeling of betrayal and not being able to get away because you don’t want to hurt someone? If you have gone through ANY of this, THIS post is a MUST READ for you.

Its a brief learning experience that I want everyone to benefit from for future references whenever they feel themselves indulged in such situations. There is a very thin line between sympathy and care. Between love and attraction. We misunderstand and linger on to these emotions till we are done with them. So how to identify what? Its a simple litmus like test but for that test, your conscience needs to be clear enough to get perfect results. If you are socially active, helping people here n there, being accommodating to friends, trying to cheer everyone up, chances are you will show sympathy to people in need. The second stage to identify is having conversation with such people. If they keep ranting about bad things in their life, share financial problems, parent issues, work related issues, use abusive language, chances are they are trying to gain your sympathy and later on will become parasites. They will depend upon you for their emotional and financial needs. Later on hurting you to the core that you won’t have anything left.

This identification comes with time and experience. No one can teach you but YOU yourself can master the art of differentiating between your own reactions. Everything lies within you. You just need to be truthful to yourself.

 

Old friends vs New friends

Friendship is a complicated subject to talk about when there are so many categories of friends that we as a social norm identify and categorize friends in. But I felt like pouring some of my personal observation and share experiences about new and old friendships.

We usually start making friends when we are in pre school. Someone sitting next to us who we share lunch with or have seen crying and trying to make smile becomes our friend. We move on with schooling meeting new kids around and our priorities of making friends keep changing. Puberty hits and all of a sudden we need some more personal space to share our tiny little secrets so we evaluate friends on the basis of who are they connected to and if your word will be leaked out by any. Most of us make great friends during school and college and sometimes university as well. But as we step into professional life, we tend to lose touch with pretty much all of them. Work, responsibility, family and romantic relationships take over our minds and hearts leaving no or less time for good old genuine friends. You are not alone. Your friends are going through the same stage.

What I realized and felt from my experiences is the fact that sharing secrets, discussing life issues and relationship problems and seeking advise from long term friends and mentors is better than sharing with a completely new person. I don’t oppose the idea of seeking a counsellor for psychic help as that is something completely different but when you want to discuss something intimate and something sensitive, do it with people who have known you for long, who have seen you going through rough patches and have seen your actions and reactions live. Old friends are blunt about what they say. They are less courteous and very informal because with time you develop this comfort with them and the surity that they will lend an ear to what you say. New people met at work places or some random meetups could be good for having intellectual conversations, chit chats, casual talks but we always approach people we have known for long for better advises.

Another thing with new friendships is the fact that they can only advise you on the basis of the information you share with them. Since sharing information is in our control, we may be passive aggressive and completely negative about a certain situation hence making the new friend feel like we are victims or have been through miserable times all our lives. The advice you gonna get will be pretty much based on sympathy then hurting your self esteem in long run. However with old friends, they can always correct you and say in your face that you are not the only one facing issues and they will have examples of YOU coping up with difficult situations reminding you that you aren’t a victim but a fighter. That you are the master of getting over trials with dignity. That you have the power of controlling circumstances your way.

Seek support from good old sincere people around you. Rebuild connections with lost friends who you know for sure that they will bring positivity to your life. Seek people having no interest in knowing your story for gossip but for bringing goodness to your life. I am glad and Alhamdulillah super blessed to have the ability to reconnect with some amazing people in my life and I am sure there is atleast one person in everyone’s life who is always there selflessly!