Our Secrets

Penning down my thoughts after such a long time. Which is completely justified considering the rare amount of pieces that I have been producing with Soul of Life lately. Oh well! Let’s just focus on what I am so anticipated to talk about and what I feel all of us should think about sooner or later in our lives.

We all have secrets right? Some ugly , annoying , exciting , sweet , guilty filled and sometimes even powerful secrets that we keep in our hearts or perhaps share with someone who we trust with complete heart n soul. With time , we keep developing more n more of them and when it gets difficult for us to hold that burden, we either talk about it with some third person or we share it away publicly on our social platforms without mentioning any names , yet revealing someone’s really intricate information.

So there are types of secrets I believe that exist. There are person to person secrets , Secrets to self secrets, Written secrets, and there are person to GOD secrets too. Lets talk about them one by one and see their impact on our lives.

Person to Person Secrets :

Very simple! You got your best friend/sibling/cousin/partner with whom you are closely connected and share bits n pieces of information about yourself, about your other friends, your family and you talk about secret life missions or ambitions too. This involves a thought process. You choose to share what you share. Its like you are volunteering yourself. Whereas on the receiving end, you may not find that level of comfort with you for sharing the same. Or perhaps there is synergy. Hence this give n take results in a lot of unburdening but some information may be registered for later conversations and can go against you.

Secrets to Self :

There are some things, some habits, some deep down desires that we have feel discomfort disclosing to anyone. There is also a possibility that these secrets are negligible and you don’t give them much importance hence you say, why bother? This could also be a result of your introvert or shy nature. May be you are more passive ? Also the last possibility is over confidence in knowing yourself so much that you feel like you know exactly your way around that thought but it might not be true in few cases.

Written Secrets :

I find these really intimidating for some reason. They might come in the category of mutually exclusive secrets between Person to person and Secrets to Self. Some of the stuff would be common but here is the deal about Written secrets.
We pour our thoughts on a paper under different circumstances. Perhaps we are elated with joy and thinking no one else would understand our happiness, hence we decide to pen that down. We go through heartbreaks and failure , leading to our isolation and sobbing sessions, compelling us to pen down our frustration. We write enmity, pride, anger, honesty and sometimes our good deeds too.
In the world of Social connectivity through online mediums, it gets difficult to differentiate between what is being shared publicly and what is private. So written secrets exist but are rare.

Person to GOD secrets :

THE BEST ONES! These might sound crazy and some of you may be in disbelief of these secrets but once you get the hang of your connection with Almighty, this will all make sense. There are secrets between you and GOD. You speak to Him. He answers you back. That way and mode of communication needs to be established between you and Him beforehand. If you tell Him a certain way to answer you, He will answer you.
These types of secrets can be used to establish amazing deals with GOD, conversations, laughter and sadness sessions, the war between good and evil. You name it and this particular kind of Secret has it all for you. The key is NOT to involve any other entity in this relationship. No third party contact.
I also believe that GOD shares HIS secrets too. We all know his impeccable love for the humanity and all of us. So HE keeps revealing tiny little hints for us to identify as we move on in lives finding the right path, the right track, striving towards peace and success. HE is sharing a secret somewhere. Giving you HIS precious time, something out of the uncountable wisdom HE possesses. Listen to HIS beats! Feel HIS signals!

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Gratitude!

Ramzan Mubarak!

Over the years Ramzan has become an entirely different ballgame for all of us. Our focuses, spirituality, food , prayers everything has taken a different turn altogether. Some of us still celebrate the month with zeal with everyone whereas some go completely solo on the spiritual journey , detoxifying from the demons that reside inside us.

Today after getting off from a long call of a dear friend after I don’t know how many years that we spoke to each other, I realized that one thing I always did in Ramzan was write gratitude posts for people who I hold close to me, who I can count on and who will stand by my side no matter what happens. The memories of gratitude made me realise that somewhere I had lost that public appreciation of friends around me who I always used to talk about and who I always contact whenever I am in need or otherwise.

I cannot be more happy to have friends turning into mentors, helping me restart a new life, get back on track, make me smile and make posts thinking about me without letting me know that they care. Allah has been really kind and I know HE always will be. Gratitude is perhaps the only gesture when given, gives you back multiplied by two, three or even more.

This is going out to you all! To each one of you who knows me , who appreciates me for who I am, corrects me, and most importantly be there for me. :)

I’m in your shoes

We often complain and ridicule ourselves with statements like ‘Why me?’ OR ‘Was I the only one?’ OR maybe to the extent of putting up fight with GOD and family and friends and isolating ourselves in distress with episodes of crying, blaming, demeaning ourselves. Ever wonder why there is so much pain and misery in your life when your friends , colleagues and relatives are living a contented life with all possible luxuries anyone could afford? We all feel like this either in phases or we feel consistently for a long period of time.

This is how I have perceived pain and misery over the years I have lived with or away from my family.

Every shortcoming or pain has its own perks. Perks? Really? Oh yes! Let’s evaluate some and you will be surprised how you form your actions in your life based on the miseries you have gone through.

I lost my father when I was 8. I became an orphan at a very young age. That emptiness still resides inside me but this major setback of my life made me realize how it feels to be an orphan. When I come across stories of demise of my friend’s parents, or friends living with single parent due to separation, I know exactly how it feels to be that child whose has unmet needs. This gives me a chance to show empathy, show love and care, understand their household issues and help them come up with a solution. This creates a great network of support and courage and they pass on the same gesture to fellow orphans around them.

Another one. Unemployment. I have always been a person who would find her way out some or the other way. Opportunities have come as quick as they can ever be. Alhamdulillah. Nonetheless my two phases of unemployment resulted in me understanding the pain a man goes through when he roams around the city with CV and finds no luck at the end of the day despite he is capable and qualified. This helped me realize the worth of hard earned money. Savings for survival. Weddings, Education, house car food what not. Now if anyone tells me he or she Needs a job,  I know exactly what they are going through.

Likewise there are breakups, emotional and financial sufferings, learning disabilities, Disabilities in general that teach you so much about the world around you. Sufferings are blessings. The more the merrier. Sufferings connect you to more people and happiness confine you to a handful of friends. Sufferings lead you to explore. Pain brings in the ability to seek light in the darkest times. I believe every human being is sent in the world to cater and bring a change to certain lives. Starts from one but there is no count for the change you pass on to your own and the next generation as it will keep multiplying indefinitely.

What NOT to say to Others about you

Alot of us and specially women tend to degrade ourselves and feel low about ourselves because of the male dominated society that we live in. Some times our parents and family members also teach and preach us not to utter bad words or be disrespectful to men around us. There is a very subconscious behaviour that we tend to develop and linger on to and that is being submissive, self loathing, berating and hating our selves for what we like do or perceive which in fact is something ethically right to do or say.

Here are a few sentences that I would recommend each one of you ( Be it a guy or a girl ) not to say out loud in front of ANYONE except to Almighty and your own self. In fact don’t say it to your self either because constantly saying negative words and sentences to one’s self will not help in the healing process which I earlier talked about.

  1. I don’t trust myself anymore.
  2. I trust you more than I trust myself. ( HECK NO! You are the only person who you will and you should trust the most and NO ONE ELSE )
  3. I feel ashamed of myself. (Sympathy sign alert)
  4. I hate myself more than anything in this world.
  5.  I am a coward.
  6. I am miserable
  7. I am messed up. I keep messing up all the time.
  8. I am a hopeless case
  9. I am a retard and gone case. Don’t expect anything sane coming from me.
  10. I cannot forgive myself for what I did.
  11. I am a jerk.
  12. I will never be able to make anyone happy
  13. I am a doormat
  14. I have self esteem issues.
  15. My future is destroyed ( No you can’t predict what’s coming next buddy )

So how do you feel after reading all of these sentences? How many times have you said these to your best friends or loved ones or parents or anyone else? How did they react?

I’ll tell you some general reactions against these sentences. The sincere people who genuinely want you to come out of these little mindsets that you have created about yourself, will try to take you out and make you laugh, raise your spirits and give you warm hugs to make you feel better.

Then there are people , most of them , who will take advantage out of your weaknesses. Special special warning for girls out there. Never tell guys about your insecurities. Never. They will make sure they manipulate you, make you feel better and then try to convince you for something you are not comfortable with. The best suggestion is not to get exploited by anyone. Even if you have to lie to save it, do that. Your mental comfort is more important above anything else.

 

 

The healing process

So lately I haven’t written anything but I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Matter of fact I have started reading some good books that will surely enlighten many perspectives of life in front of me.

So this healing process of my life hasn’t been quite a pleasant one. Details later but there are so many people and so many emotions overwhelmingly involved that I was unable to focus on anything that would make me feel better. I have been reading a lot about negative and positive energies, frequencies and karma lately and most of it is making sense now when I look back at my life. I can easily differentiate between the negatives and positives and choose to be with who I want with no obligations.

So lets talk about healing process. Every wound, scar, breakup, agitation, ridicule and frustration is meant to be healed some or the other way. Nothing is constant in this world. Our lives aren’t constant, our dying isn’t either. We all have wavelengths and frequencies that we communicate with each other. Keeping the science aside, the healing process only begins when we really seek it! When we actually seek help from Almighty to heal our wounds. When we seek help from people around us to listen to us and advise us to move on in life. It only begins when asked for it. Otherwise you will remain in the whirlpool of your own thoughts and self made analysis and assumptions that will break you even more. All you have to say out loud ONCE only ONCE to HIM to anyone, What should I do to come out of it? Or make a request, Please get me out of it! And see the magic happening around you.

For me, healing process has been questions queries and support seeking from other people. Ironic right? The time when I need it the most, people should come and console and worry about me. That’s how we would think normally. But its complete opposite of what I thought. I started receiving so many requests from people for support and fundraisers and connections and what not. And in this entire process of sorting everyone else’s life, I completely went from miserable to motivated and rejuvenated. Why? Because it was actually the healing process decided for me from Almighty ALLAH. And it came this way.  Similarly you will find signs for your healing process too. From people, places, events, opportunities everything. And all you have to do is to just go with the flow of your life’s frequency.

There will be downsides staying longer than uphills. There will be darker lights making you blind other than guiding lights that brighten your days. There will be rougher roads to drive on as compare to smooth highways. But the belief that you will get through it, is going to pull you out of the discomfort you are in. The process isn’t easy. You need to take that first step to begin with.

Time limit

There is so much that has been written about discovering yourself and finding inner peace with all those motivational quotes coming your way on your Newsfeed trying to make you feel that you are the best person on earth and Nothing else matters but you. Today I am going to share my take on your purpose of living linked with the number of moments, days, months or years in someone’s life.

We all believe in the day when we won’t be in this world any more. We all know our existence here is just for a certain time period that we can never predict. If we start dividing our lives in chunks of sub-lives, like life1, life2, life3 and so on, this logical division will help us identify our purpose of existence in this world and in some particular person’s life.

I have an opinion and I strongly believe in the fact that Allah brings us near to people of all sorts. Whether good or bad, that we get to identify with our wisdom. We spend time with strangers, hang out with them, get to know them better, do each other favors, fall and rise in love, make vows and people who we genuinely feel connected to, we try keeping in touch often, get married, make new connections and thus our circle of network keeps growing till we die.

The logical division theory comes up when we have certain associations for a limited time period. Particularly relationships, friendships and conferences. We are destined to get connected with people who we meet in our lives. The moment our job is done, that plug is pulled out from the switch to be places somewhere else. Perhaps we are sent to teach a lesson to someone. Perhaps that person is teaching a lesson too. Perhaps a person is meant to bring you closer to Allah. Perhaps you are being tested by someone’s obnoxious behaviour. Perhaps some people are sent to you to make your life miserable so you can care about good times and good people around and willingly pull out the plug and reconnect with the old loved ones.

Every single time period and phase in your life is a logical division trying to help you see the bigger and better picture of your purpose of coming to this world. You need to keep all your senses alive to identify who is making a difference in your life and how can you make a difference in someone else’s life. We all have shortcomings that need to be addressed. Allow that one person to help you be a better person for this world. For your own self.

 

The thin line!

Today’s topic is very sensitive, critical and much needed to ponder upon. Its about differentiating between our emotions for people around us and how we react to them.
Before I start, I’d want you to think of one incident or a time period in your life where you had to really really fight the battle of mind and heart. Take a minute. Or two. Or may be 5. I don’t want you to get depressed but just reflect upon what you had to do.

Ok so here we go.

We have all heard about several words like sympathy, empathy, care, love and attraction. And we all have different ideas and meanings associated to these words. Most of these emotions or gestures are inter connected, mixed and dependant upon each other. So for instance if you care about somebody, you show empathy. Or if you are attracted to somebody, you start caring about them and are empathetic to their needs. Now here comes the real game when you have to cleverly choose how to act and react in a certain awkward or non awkward situation when it comes to your near ones, your friends and acquaintances.

Have you ever experienced a time when doing favours once or twice has led you to constant favours because you are immune to do so and you feel it has become your responsibility? Have you felt that your sympathy is taken as care and love by the other person and he/she feels like you love him/her too? Have you ever tried to get away from the feeling of betrayal and not being able to get away because you don’t want to hurt someone? If you have gone through ANY of this, THIS post is a MUST READ for you.

Its a brief learning experience that I want everyone to benefit from for future references whenever they feel themselves indulged in such situations. There is a very thin line between sympathy and care. Between love and attraction. We misunderstand and linger on to these emotions till we are done with them. So how to identify what? Its a simple litmus like test but for that test, your conscience needs to be clear enough to get perfect results. If you are socially active, helping people here n there, being accommodating to friends, trying to cheer everyone up, chances are you will show sympathy to people in need. The second stage to identify is having conversation with such people. If they keep ranting about bad things in their life, share financial problems, parent issues, work related issues, use abusive language, chances are they are trying to gain your sympathy and later on will become parasites. They will depend upon you for their emotional and financial needs. Later on hurting you to the core that you won’t have anything left.

This identification comes with time and experience. No one can teach you but YOU yourself can master the art of differentiating between your own reactions. Everything lies within you. You just need to be truthful to yourself.