Friendship is a complicated subject to talk about when there are so many categories of friends that we as a social norm identify and categorize friends in. But I felt like pouring some of my personal observation and share experiences about new and old friendships.
We usually start making friends when we are in pre school. Someone sitting next to us who we share lunch with or have seen crying and trying to make smile becomes our friend. We move on with schooling meeting new kids around and our priorities of making friends keep changing. Puberty hits and all of a sudden we need some more personal space to share our tiny little secrets so we evaluate friends on the basis of who are they connected to and if your word will be leaked out by any. Most of us make great friends during school and college and sometimes university as well. But as we step into professional life, we tend to lose touch with pretty much all of them. Work, responsibility, family and romantic relationships take over our minds and hearts leaving no or less time for good old genuine friends. You are not alone. Your friends are going through the same stage.
What I realized and felt from my experiences is the fact that sharing secrets, discussing life issues and relationship problems and seeking advise from long term friends and mentors is better than sharing with a completely new person. I don’t oppose the idea of seeking a counsellor for psychic help as that is something completely different but when you want to discuss something intimate and something sensitive, do it with people who have known you for long, who have seen you going through rough patches and have seen your actions and reactions live. Old friends are blunt about what they say. They are less courteous and very informal because with time you develop this comfort with them and the surity that they will lend an ear to what you say. New people met at work places or some random meetups could be good for having intellectual conversations, chit chats, casual talks but we always approach people we have known for long for better advises.
Another thing with new friendships is the fact that they can only advise you on the basis of the information you share with them. Since sharing information is in our control, we may be passive aggressive and completely negative about a certain situation hence making the new friend feel like we are victims or have been through miserable times all our lives. The advice you gonna get will be pretty much based on sympathy then hurting your self esteem in long run. However with old friends, they can always correct you and say in your face that you are not the only one facing issues and they will have examples of YOU coping up with difficult situations reminding you that you aren’t a victim but a fighter. That you are the master of getting over trials with dignity. That you have the power of controlling circumstances your way.
Seek support from good old sincere people around you. Rebuild connections with lost friends who you know for sure that they will bring positivity to your life. Seek people having no interest in knowing your story for gossip but for bringing goodness to your life. I am glad and Alhamdulillah super blessed to have the ability to reconnect with some amazing people in my life and I am sure there is atleast one person in everyone’s life who is always there selflessly!